


Every Single Case

by DirkGentlyDG (Furygun81)



Category: Dirk Gently (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of a Case, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1938903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furygun81/pseuds/DirkGentlyDG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one case ever ends well. In fact, the majority of Dirk Gently's cases end in tears. Dirk has to deal with this situation every single day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Single Case

“Although my explanation of events may, to you, seem somewhat inexplicable, I can assure you that I have toiled endlessly day and night, striving to find an answer to the perplexing mystery that is the case which you have presented with me.”

“No,” said Dirk’s client. “NO.” 

“No?” Dirk asked, a grin on his face, trying to make friends with his now hostile client. “No what?”

“I simply will not stand for this,” the client said, standing from his seat. “The amount of people’s lives irreparably damaged - it’s appalling. Truly appalling.”

Dirk rose too, standing to defend himself. His reputation was hardly as shiny as the gold plaque which stood proudly, defiantly outside his office, but he would not let this Mr. Wood person tarnish it any further. “Appalling? What is appalling is the circumstances under which I have had to endure whilst I was striving to reach a satisfactory conclusion to this case!” He readjusted the tweed jacket, running a hand through his curly hair to check it was still in position. “You still have not even settled the bill for my services rendered, despite this case being solved a whole month ago. Being the patient man I am, I have stayed myself from quizzing you as to precisely why this is, but now it is unacceptable.”

“The reason,” Dirk’s client began, his voice booming as much as his voice could boom - which admittedly wasn’t very much, “I have not paid you for a month is because that is how long it has taken my daughter to recover from hospital! She still is not even recovered fully emotionally.”

Gently straightened his tie. The client just wouldn’t let it go, would he? “That was hardly my fault, was it?”

“Yes, Mr. Gently, I believe you’ll find that it was! Now, I have spoken to the police about this matter-”

“Not Detective Inspector Gilks?” Dirk asked, alarm in his voice. “Oh Gods, as soon as you mentioned my name, I’m sure sodding Gilks was all over it, wasn’t he?” Dirk Gently detested Gilks. Dirk was able to say with total conviction, that of all people who hated Dirk Gently, he probably hated Dirk Gently the most.

“Yes, actually,” the client continued, blissfully unaware that Dirk was turning red with anger the same way a mouse is unaware of the massive spike on a mousetrap, “and we reached some very interesting conclusions concerning this matter.”

Dirk grimaced. It was at that very moment his phone began ringing, struggling to survive, pulling on the 6% of its battery left with all of its might. Dirk turned his back on the client, answering the phone as if it was something better than this conversation. “Hello?”

“DIRK!” came a voice from the other end.

Dirk hesitantly put the phone back to his ear. “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, how may I be of service?”

“Dirk,” came the voice, a little calmer this time, “it’s Richard.”

“MacDuff!” Dirk interrupted. “Ha, I knew they couldn’t arrest you! How are you?”

“Well, actually I’m in a police station. This is my phone call. I’m not calling my lawyer or my wife, I’m calling you.”

“Oh, really?” Dirk asked, grinning although Richard couldn’t see it. “Why?”

“To let you know that when I get out of here, I’m going to throttle you until your lungs fall out of your eyelids.”

Dirk blinked. “That’s rather graphic.”

“You told me to be at that pub tonight. You told me five o’clock sharp. Why didn’t you show up? Oh, no, of course,” by now the sarcasm in his voice was as prominent as the custard cream that had broken into five separate pieces in the packet, “you knew there was going to be a gangster raid there. And they’re the ones who got Mr. Wood’s daughter!”

Dirk wiped the sweat from his forehead. “I’ll explain later MacDuff, it had to be done, okay? I’d, erm, better go - the battery’s getting low.” With that, Dirk hung up.

He swivelled round to be received with a slap from a young girl. Dirk frowned, trying to figure out who it was. Looking back, it was Mr. Wood’s daughter! ‘Had she been there the whole time?’ Dirk tried to remember. In that case, he regretted mentioning some of the things he had mentioned towards the beginning of this meeting.

This is Dirk Gently’s life. Every. Single. Day.


End file.
